If Only
by Red Dragon4
Summary: Ken thinks of If only he had realize of what he had done sooner and other questions. He then meets 1 of the Digidestined. Has alittle attempted suicide and alittle Kenyako.


Disclaimer-I do own Digimon

Disclaimer-I do own Digimon! *sees shotgun aimed at her* I don't own Digimon *cries*

If Only

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If Only. Those were the 2 words that were on Ken's mind. Those were the kind of questions he had. All of those questions started with if only. Ken was still worn out from his defeat as the Digimon Emperor. He had just been reunited with his Digimon. Leafmon had forgiven him. Ken wasn't sure if the other Digidestined would be as forgiving as his Digimon. He and Leafmon were in his room. Even though he's been reunited with his Digimon again Ken was still sadden of what he had done.

"If only if I haven't become the Digimon Emperor." Ken said.

"You couldn't have known this would happen, Ken." Leafmon said.

If only if I have realized what I have done sooner. Ken thought. He looked the scar on his arm. His parents were at another room and he was in the kitchen when it happened. He though if he cut his arm quick enough with the knife he wouldn't feel anything. Apparently it was still immensely painful when he cut himself. Leafmon saw everything and was able to stop him before Ken could take his own life away.

"I'm still scared of what you would do after you got that scar." Leafmon said.

"I'm sorry my friend. I thought if I take my life away my suffering could end." Ken said.

"Well you have to face your problems sooner or later." His loyal Digimon said.

If only if I haven't grown jealous of Sam. If only I haven't wish for him to disappear. Sam would still be alive. Ken's violet eyes were filled with tears. This was the suffering he meant. The deep guilt, the flashbacks of what happened in the past that led to this, and the fact he had hurt innocent lives.

"I still think that you shouldn't be with me Leafmon after all the suffering I caused you." Ken said.

"I want to, because I knew inside, you're still the kind and gentle person I know." Leafmon replied.

He still couldn't believe that after all the beatings his Digimon took, he still wants to be his friend. If only I haven't read the e-mail. If only I haven't taken the Digivice and entered the Dark Ocean. If only I haven't put the Digivice into the water and let it become the dark Digivice. His mind was filled with images from the past. From when he grown jealous of his brother, to when he saw him die and then most of all, when he was the Digimon Emperor.

"I'll be out." Ken said.

"Where?" The baby Digimon asked.

"Don't worry. It's nothing." He assured.

"No. I'm sticking with you." Leafmon said.

After the scare he gave to his Digimon, Ken wasn't really surprised. He agreed. After reassuring his mother that he wouldn't do anything Ken headed to the side of the river. Leafmon was in his arms. The sun was going down slowly and night was coming in.

"Why are we hear Ken?" Leafmon asked.

"I came hear so maybe I can try and clear my thoughts." He answered.

"Well the view is beautiful." Leafmon said.

"Ken?" A voice suddenly said.

The 2 turned around and saw a girl with long purple hair, glasses and with a Poromon in her arms. Oh No. Ken thought. He recognized her as 1 of the Digidestined. He knew that they wouldn't forgive him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I'm not here to cause trouble. I'm not the Digimon Emperor anymore." Ken said.

"Don't worry. I still can't believe I have a crush on you." She blurted out.

Oh No. Why did I have to say that? She thought. He face was blushing deep red. If only I could understand why I still like him a little even when he was the Digimon Emperor. She has a crush on me? Ken thought. Not only that but said have not had. No. I must have heard it wrong. After what I did to her and her friends it's impossible.

"I understand if you still hate me but at least believe me I'm not evil anymore." Ken said.

Before she could say another word Ken ran towards home. I know she still wouldn't forgive me. Ken thought. If only I could make up for the terrible things I have done. He ran, afraid of what she would say. Poor Ken. She thought.

"Yolei, do you really think Ken has truly changed?" Poromon asked.

"Maybe. I could've sworn the Digimon in his arms is Wormon. If Wormon is back with him, maybe Ken has changed. If only we could try and help him. I'm sure the others will forgive him." Yolei answered.

If only he could forgive himself. Yolei thought. She remember of what she had said. If only I could understand weather I love him or not after what he has done.

Author's Note-I'm aware that Yolei didn't truly forgive Ken until the end of the episode Sprit Needle and that this story takes place right after the episode Genesis of Evil. But remember that in the beginning of Sprit Needle she said I THOUGHT Ken had change. So that means she kind of forgive Ken before she saw Thundermon destroy and thinking it was a real Digimon.


End file.
